


Gabriel's Hellish day out

by Scmnz



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Bonding, Crack, Gabriel doesn't understand gifts but tries, Gabriel is a dumbass just trying his best, Gen, Humor, Possibly OOC, Shopping, he doesn't really understnad how friends work either, unbetaed and unedited
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-11
Updated: 2019-09-11
Packaged: 2020-10-14 17:22:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20604485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scmnz/pseuds/Scmnz
Summary: Gabriel clapped Crowley on the back. “As I was saying. We’ve decided that you’re sort of an unofficial member of the team. So I thought I should get to know you. So” He gestured at the mall around them, beaming. “Human stuff! We can purchase material object together. Sandlephon said that is a typical human bonding activity.”Gabriel and Crowley go shopping together, Crowley does not enjoy it.





	Gabriel's Hellish day out

**Author's Note:**

> For the Good omens prompt meme, https://onthedisc.dreamwidth.org/9084.html "Crowley and Gabriel go shopping for clothes together"

Aziraphale and Crowley were in the bookshop. Aziraphale was rereading Winnie the pooh while Crowley lounged, resting his head in his lap. Aziraphale gently stroked his hair as he read.

Suddenly there was an explosion of air, wind filled the bookshop and blew the pages of the books wildly. Gabriel had appeared, beaming, in the middle of the shop.

Aziraphale’s hands tense in Crowley’s hair. Is heaven back to try and destroy them again?

“Do not be afraid!” Gabriel boomed. “I just need to borrow your demon for a little while. Don’t worry.”  _ What?! _

_ _

Aziraphale gently pushed Crowley off of him, stood to his full height and conjured his flaming sword. “If you want to hurt him you’ll have to get through me first!”

“Angel” Crowley murmured, slightly stunned by the sudden, holy wrath emanating from Aziraphale.

Gabriel’s eyes went wide. “Who said anything about hurting him? Look, we discussed everything as a team and came to the conclusion that this all must be part of the Almighty’s plan! So in an effort of team building and reconciliation, I’ll be taking, Crowley was it? I’ll be taking Crowley now.” Gabriel snaps his fingers and he and Crowley vanish, leaving Aziraphale alone, panicking in the bookshop.

___

Crowley blinked as the world resolved itself around him. They appeared to be in a shopping mall. He glared at the archangel beside him. Gabriel didn’t appear to be preparing an attack or anything like that. “Ngk,” said Crowley. 

Gabriel clapped him on the back. “As I was saying. We’ve decided that you’re sort of an unofficial member of the team. So I thought I should get to know you. So” He gestured around them, beaming. “Human stuff! We can purchase material object together. Sandlephon said that is a typical human bonding activity.”

Crowley turned and ran.

___

Aziraphale stood alone in his shop panicking. He didn’t know where Gabriel had taken Crowley, and he didn’t trust his assurance that he would not harm the demon. He closed his eyes and tried desperately to sense where they had gone. After all, Crowley had always managed to sense when he was in danger and save him. He concentrated with a frown for a minute before an annoyed expression appeared on the angel’s face. “America? Damn.”

___

Crowley couldn’t escape. Something was blocking his powers and Gabriel was fast because of his jogging. Gabriel had a firm grip on his wrist and was steering them across the mall. “Come on buddy, this will be fun!”  _ Buddy _ ?!?!

Gabriel seemed to have noticed a store that interested him because he sped up. Crowley looked ahead of them and saw. Oh no. A Hot Topic. 

Gabriel grinned. “This looks like your kind of store. Look, everything is black! I like clothing you know...” 

Crowley couldn’t think of a response. One didn’t seem to be needed, Gabriel was chatting enough for the both of them. He silently allowed himself to be steered into the store

Gabriel looked around with great interest. He looked very out of place, big and cheerful in his professional-looking suit, but he didn’t notice and if he had he wouldn’t have cared.

Crowley looked about with very little interest. It was true he wore mostly black but this certainly was not his style. Still, Gabriel seemed to be keeping an expectant eye on him so he probably couldn’t escape just yet. Gabriel wandered about the shop for a while, looking at everything. 

After five minutes of this, Gabriel found a shirt he seemed to like. It was Lavender, similar to his eyes, and had writing on it in a fun font. He turned to Crowley. “What does this writing say demon?”

Crowley glanced up from the band t-shirts he was idly looking through.  _ Oh no _ . “Uh. That says ‘DILF’. In comic sans. You may want to put that back.”

Gabriel looked at him blankly. “What’s DILF?” He didn’t know what comic sans was either, but comic meant funny so it must be a good thing. 

Crowley groaned and rubbed his eyes. He did not want to be here. He did not want to be with Gabriel. He did NOT want to explain to Gabriel what a dilf was. “It’s like.” He waved his hand. “An attractive older person?” Not really but that was the closest he was willing to come.

“Oh.” Gabriel thought about that for a bit then smiled brightly. “I’m as old as the universe.” Crowley groaned. Gabriel purchased the shirt from the very puzzled cashier. “Not getting anything from here?” He asked Crowley, who shook his head. “Well, there’s many human stores here. Let’s go champ!”  _ Champ _ ??

\---- 

Aziraphale had miricaled himself to America but wasn’t having much luck locating Crowley more precisely than that. At least it didn’t feel like he was in any danger. Still, he was worried. 

\---

Gabriel and Crowley made their deeper into the mall. Crowley had attempted to run a couple of times, but with no luck. At some point, Gabriel had changed into the awful t-shirt he’d boughten. 

Gabriel caught sight of something and pulled Crowley forward. Crowley looked forward and groaned. It was a sunglasses shop. 

Gabriel beamed and dragged him inside. He grabbed a pair of sunglasses, seemingly at random, and held them out to Crowley expectantly. 

Crowley inspected them. They were an eye-melting shade of pink. “Er, not my style.” He handed them back.

“Oh.” Gabriel’s face fell. Crowley knew he shouldn’t feel bad, he didn’t like Gabriel at all, but that expression. It was rather like he had kicked a puppy. 

Gabriel soon recovered however and selected another pair. Bright red this time, and leopard print. The archangel seemed to be drawn to flashy colors, not unlike a human toddler selecting crayons. “These look more your style,” he exclaimed.

They were not his style at all, but Crowley accepted the glasses. He didn’t want to face the dejected expression again so he tried them on. They were cat-eye frames and really didn’t suit him. But maybe if Crowley went along with it this would be over sooner. “Nice” he muttered. Gabriel looked overjoyed. 

“Oh good!’’ he exclaimed. “I’ll get them for you. A gift! Sandalphon explained what those are. A peace offering!” Crowley grunted in response and scanned the shop for possible ways to escape.

___

Aziraphale was getting closer, he knew he was. He would save Crowley, no matter what it took.

____

People were giving them odd looks now, as Gabriel maneuvered them across the mall. Crowley could hardly blame the onlookers, given what they were wearing. It hadn’t stopped with the dilf shirt or the awful sunglasses, and they looked ridiculous. 

Crowley was too tired to argue, and too embarrassed to stand another article of clothing. He looked desperately for any store that sold anything that could not be worn. Ah! A Barnes & Noble. “Hey Gabriel, look! A bookstore.” 

“Oh like Aziraphale’s?”

“Yes. He likes books, so we should go there and, er. Get him one! A gift!” Gabriel liked the whole gift thing. And Crowley would do anything,  _ anything  _ to keep some of his style intact. 

Gabriel wandered through the shop, looking at various books mild confusion. Crowley followed reluctantly, he knew what would happen if he tried to ditch him. Aziraphale liked most books, so it wasn’t likely that even Gabriel could mess this up. At worst he’d end up with a book Aziraphale would be willing to sell to customers to protect his more precious volumes. 

… Except apparently, this was something Gabriel could mess up. He had that grin on his face that Crowley was beginning to recognize and dread. He held a book in his hand and looked optimistic and proud. Oh no.

When Aziraphale had complained about his boss he had assumed he was mean, or controlling, or something bad like that. He had not envisioned a giant golden retriever of a man getting everything slightly wrong with great enthusiasm. Crowley closed his eyes with a sigh. “You find a good book?” 

“I don’t know what it is but the pictures are nice.” Crowley looked at the title. ‘Complete works of William Shakespeare, emoji edition.’ Well, there probably wasn’t a book in the store that would appeal to Aziraphale less. He briefly wondered if he was being had and this was all a prank of some kind, but staring into those violet eyes that just didn’t seem possible. He  _ had _ to get out of here. 

“Aziraphale will like it right?” The look of genuine concern. Oh, this is far worse than anything he ever had to deal with from Beelzebub. Crowley backed away slowly.

“Yeah sure, he’ll love it.” Crowley dashed and leapt out of a window. Only then did he realize his mistake as he went plummeting to the ground. Oh well, at least no one would dress him in ridiculous clothing if he discorporated. He braced for impact and…

Aziraphale caught him. White wings outstretched he soared to the roof, apparently unaffected by the demon’s weight. 

____

Gabriel watched from the window as the pair disappeared. Uriel and Michael had warned him that they might be… resistant to outreach. Still, he had definitely made progress. He snapped his fingers and the book transported to the bookshop. Then he spotted the new sunglasses on the ground, the demon must have dropped them. 

He smiled and with another snap, they appeared on top of the book. Yes, he was making progress, and wouldn’t let this keep him down. If he kept trying surly Aziraphale and his demon would be his friends in no time at all. “Nice ‘bonding’ with you pal!” he called out the shattered window.


End file.
